“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
What a wonderful opportunity we have during this season of quarantine to be around our families. By now, we all know that this extended period of close proximity brings its blessings, but it also reveals its dark sides. This closeness reveals to us the darkness of our own hearts. Families are more likely to be at each other’s throats. Even smaller issues become big ones. Why the animosity? The answer is sin. Sin has wrecked many relationships. Sin creeps in and destroys, and if this season has shown us anything, it’s that we are all sinners. We are in a period where we are feeling the stress of being around the same people for an extended time. The kids are not in school. The spouses are working from home. The kids are keeping you from being able to be productive in your work. Maybe your spouse is frustrating you, and you are on your last nerve. Maybe you are the one causing your spouse to be on their last nerve! You know you are about to lose it, and you know your spouse or child is about to do the same.
The book of Proverbs is a book of wisdom. Its goal is to teach and instill in God’s people true wisdom from God. This wisdom that is written about in Proverbs ultimately reveals to us the only perfectly wise man, Jesus (Luke 24:27). Jesus is described as wisdom itself, the way of wisdom, and the giver of wisdom (Matt 12:42, Col 2:3).
The Proverb before us today shows the wise response to a common situation in our lives. It is only magnified during this time of quarantine. In other words, it is not unusual to find yourself annoyed with or upset at someone else. Whether that’s between a husband and wife, parent and child, sibling, friend, co-worker, or someone else, conflict arises in this world. At the same time, we can be the one causing that conflict for others. Proverbs 15:1 tells us “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” So how do we respond when someone pokes us? A soft answer generally has a diffusing power in these situations. A soft answer comes from humility, gentleness, tenderness, and thoughtfulness. It relieves the pressure on the situation. It’s a patient response where we take a step back before saying anything. This isn’t manipulation but a gracious disposition. And we can only do that by God’s grace at work in us!
The opposite is this harsh word in the second part of the parable. It is that word that stirs up anger and intensifies the argument. It’s the insulting and assaulting spirit that picks at faults. It’s the critical spirit that always sees something wrong, that’s always ready to launch into argument. It’s the angry response to an innocent comment that begins the flame of discord in a relationship. And it’s so easy to fall into these practices, right? But the soft answer will prevent that escalation. The commentator Matthew Henry said of this verse “hard arguments do best with soft words.” Even when you stand on the side of truth in an argument, you can have hard arguments and still be gracious.
As you are particularly close to your family these days, where there are many opportunities to choose a soft answer or a harsh answer, may the Lord grant you grace to choose the soft answer. May the Lord work a grace in you to allow you to be a peacemaker (Mat 5:9) in your family, to be a revealer of Jesus Christ today.
Ryan